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I feel like I’m pushed to the side and am last on his list even though he denies this when I tell him. I have a busy toddler and when he works long hours I am alone with her and must tidy up and cook and it’s tiring. So when he is off, I will take my time coming home. And so it goes, until I get a divorce. He does not want to change regardless that I’m tired of waiting for him and am so unhappy. I dont mind if he goes here and there, but if i continue being ‘fine’ with it then he pushes the boundaries and ends up going most days!
It is a construct that is not a winning one many cases. Do not be controlled by anyone, and Do not abandon your children. Drinking for a hour at the bar and coming home responsible is not abandoning your children. Been married 34 years and my hubby has been drinking every single night since.
What does it feel like for someone with depression to be drunk?
I would miss them too much and it’s not right. I believe kids should have a family. I really wish she just would be better. Since being married, i have started drinking a lot, and i know i shouldn’t but its my escape i guess, either way she doesn’t care about me drinking. I’d leave if i din’t care about my kids as much as i do. Was recently going fishing once a week with a friend from work, second time i went, she started b$tching, tried talking to her, went 2 more times, from 6am to 12pm at the most.
I have tried a compromise, saying a couple of evenings is ok, but not every evening, to no avail. It is now causing money problems, and nothing is done in the house for several years now. It is the alcohol that is my trigger, I dont want to spend my evening with a drunk. My view, he just wants the alcohol to the detriment of spending time with his family.
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The angry denial is interesting because those doing the “pointing out or advising” mean well and are not trying to be insulting. The average person might react by admitting they are drinking too much and will reduce or stop the drinking, but without getting angry because they do not feel a need to be annoyed. The heavy drinker, seemingly unaware of what is happening, become furious, resentful and enraged.
As with all people with violent partners, you are not to blame for what's happening to you, but you're unlikely to get help unless you take action yourself to prevent further abuse. Only you can decide what to do in this situation, but you are strongly advised to seek professional help as soon as possible. This article applies to parentage of non-marital kids born throughout a wedding between opposite-sex spouses.
Wifefedup
I told him I understand he needs to unwind, I understand that he needs time with his friends, which I never complain to him when he back at home and goes out. I agree to the last comment, but I’m a women with the same thing. Yes I do need to unwind, it’s not about chores all day, and yes to have a beer and listen to music it makes it fun, and your not so stressed out. Had he not been a drinker, I think I would have wanted a child with him but as we were, he was the least dependable person in the world so I never stopped to think about having kids.
Again, unlike a lot of other spouses, he seems like he is willing to do what it takes, even give up a long time friend . Maybe, through your husband's courage and willingness to leave this friend, your husband maybe able to help his friend recognize he has a problem. His friends wife must be an absolute basket case. The next day he sobered up and was sorry and cried and apologized to me. But I just can't forgive him for throwing his wedding ring away or for hurting me. I love him so much but I feel like I'm not even married anymore.
It was magical and romantic and I thought I was going to have everything I ever wanted. He is so handsome, and personable, loving and loyal. He came here from England with nothing and now has his own business where he's respected and earning great money.
I know practically nothing in life yet. But I do know my wife needed the help. At the same time I needed unwinding and alone time. So if I did the laundry while watching a show my wife would leave me alone.
I was wrong to think he would change after the wedding. He did change after the wedding, but he changed for the worse. Less than five years later, as I watched my marriage quickly crumble, I wondered what I was thinking when I married him. My wedding day was supposed to be the best day of my life. Your priority must be to find a solution to dealing with your own distress. Thousands of alcoholics get into "recovery" each year.
This kind of issue comes up frequently with couples, particularly early on in one’s marriage or partnership. It often involves a topic that has potent but conflicting meanings for the people involved. A classic, somewhat stereotypical example is the guy who is a fanatic for his home team and MUST watch the game. His spouse may roll her eyes or argue or whatnot; clearly, each person sees the activity or event differently.
I have done both working mum and stay at home and yes, working mum is frigging exhausting but so is stay at home. This whole issue is about this guy finding some work/ life balance. Why is it that so many people believe that if you are a stay at home mum you are not entitled to work/ life balance? I would ask him to stay at a friends if he’s going to get drunk, if that’s possible. You’re not saying he can’t drink, just that you can’t stand to be around him when he’s drunk.
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My husband hit me twice, i don't understand why he did that to me.
I was married to him for 16 years and the abuse never got better, only worse. After we divorced he emotionally abused the kids since I wasn't around. 90% of the time he was the sweetest, most caring father, hard-working and responsible.
My husband died of alcoholism, so I know what you are going through. You must talk to your GP as a matter of urgency and take advice from support agencies. Alcohol dependence is not caused by stress - it is an addiction that presents itself as a coping mechanism. Oh my goodness yes, most of us have been exactly where you are. And I am one of those who includes being abused in my marriage.
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